I care about me, too.

While I should be studying for my biomed and pharmacology exams (tomorrow and tuesday...eek!), I'm thinking about something else.

We recently started our psych/mental health rotations. In a nutshell, this rotation is HEAVY. We were front loaded with a bit of info on what to do, say, and feel, but the fact of the matter is you don't know how you're going to respond until you're actually in the situation.
I've already had four full days on my unit (adult psychiatric). The scope of the patients has been anywhere from suicide attempts to bipolar disorder to schizophrenia. It's of course awkward to approach someone and start talking (heck, I have a hard time with that normally!), but for the most part, it hasn't been too painful. I've made a big effort to create effective "therapeutic relationships" with patients, which basically involves leaving myself out of all conversations! It's been hard, but I haven't interjected or responded to anything a patient has said with "I think" or "Me too" or "[insert questionably relevant personal experience here]." This personal reflection has been amazing. It's not all about me! I'm trying very hard to carry this realization over into all aspects of life. Even just these four days have been very eye-opening for me. But that's not what I wanted to talk about...

Last semester, during my med/surg rotation, I found myself taking my work with me after I left the hospital. I would discuss patients, disease states, procedures, etc with classmates and friends, and of course my manfriend. Almost every night after clinical, I would have an excellent story to tell N. about my day and my patient for that day. With the start of this psych rotation, I have been (consciously and sub-consciously) trying to leave everything in the hospital. Once I get off the elevator, all the pain and sorrow I have felt that day melts away. I'm not sure if it's mind over matter, or maybe it's my body/mind doing an excellent job at self-preservation. Because goddess knows that if I were ruminating over things for the rest of the day, it would not be good for MY mental health! So, when N. called me the other night and asked me about my day in the hospital, surprisingly nothing came to mind. I realized at that moment that I would have to go to the back of my brain to a special file cabinet to tell him about my day. Since I didn't want to open the file cabinet, I said to him, "you know, I've been trying to leave things at work and I really don't have much to tell you about my day." And it was okay.

So I'm wondering...is it bad that I am distancing myself so much from the situation? I am SO not used to this. Am I being insensitive? Am I evading emotions that I should be feeling out? I don't know. I mean, I like the fact that I'm not carrying any baggage over to my personal life. I just hope it isn't making me flat or apathetic. I really do care. In the moment, I feel. I feel a lot. But the thing is, I care about me too.

Am I doing it right?